She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
