i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
