I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
