Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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