I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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