So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
