Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
