Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
