Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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