I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
