I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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