I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
