why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
