I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize