what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
