I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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