i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
