Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
