I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't deserve a penis
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
