I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
