Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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