I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
