I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
