somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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