My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
