sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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