He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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