this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
