he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
