white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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