just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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