We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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