Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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