when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
