We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
