My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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