y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
