eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
