he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
