Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
