What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
