God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
