I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
