Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
