i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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