Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
