I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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