I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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