If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
