And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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