New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
