I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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