he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My cat gives me a boner
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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