Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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