if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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