when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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