You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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