i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
