Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
