i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
