just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
