I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
