Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
