My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
