I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
