Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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